Hi there,
the last few weeks social media reminded me of a then-friend (we’re not friends anymore - not related to the story I’m about to tell though) and what she said about her partner.
When I told her that another friend always said she loved her husband but sometimes she didn’t like him and that I can relate to that (although I’m not married but you know what I mean :-)), she replied - without thinking about it: “No, I like my partner all the time. He could never do anything I wouldn’t like.” I don’t think that is healthy.
In the knitting community are people like that as well. I’m sure you’re aware that we have our stars and idols as well. And for some people those stars can’t do wrong.
Here are a couple of examples:
Stephen West condemned racism in the knitting community this month. He explained why he hadn’t done so before and said that he wanted to change it and not stay silent because that would cause more harm.
At once his fans were there to defend him, no, I should say to excuse him: “Oh Stephen, you do so much for this community already, you don’t have to change. I can understand you feel the pressure but if you don’t feel like it, you don’t have to say anything.”
Note: All comments along those lines came from white fans, naturally.
Then Andrea Mowry talked about her new extended sizing. It might have gotten lost but there is a discussion about size inclusivity going on as well and she was asked to do better and offer a bigger size range for her patterns. So she introduced a new extended sizing (most designs now have 7-9 sizes).
At once her fans were there to absolve her: “You’re doing so much, you don’t have to do this.” “Oh, that is so kind of you, thank you so much.” (I just had a look and some of the comments are deleted now but you get the picture.)
Note: All comments along those lines come from - I’m sure you guessed it: smaller people. (And it isn’t kind but good business to have extended sizing.)
In both examples, those were not the only kind of comments, to make that clear.
What I wanted to point out by using these examples is this:
You can always get positive feedback for everything you say, especially if you’re famous and have a lot of devoted fans.
But in cases as these it isn’t important what people say to whom your statement or action didn’t apply. It doesn’t matter if white people say, you are not racist or if skinny people say your actions are not fatphobic. What you said doesn’t apply to them, so they can’t “absolve” you. The only people who can, are people actually affected by your statement/action/policy….
This year, a lot of discussions (for want of a better word) started and a lot of people started to become aware that not all is as well as they thought. Others knew that for quite a while but now they are louder and people pay attention to them.
This won’t “just go away“ and we can’t just “go back to our knitting“ - which is a very good thing.
But this means that you as designers in this industry/ community will come to a point when you make a mistake or you might come late to a discussion.
The only way to handle it is to listen, apologise and do better in the future. Everyone can make mistakes, it is human to do so. But what really matters is how you deal with it.
And how did Stephen and Andrea handle those comments?
Stephen moderated his post and made clear that it is his place to insert himself into the conversation and use his platform and his influence to change the situation for people less privileged than him.
Also, this showed that he used the time since the discussion started to educate himself and really read, listen and learn. He didn’t just use this as a general statement but he put it into action by moderating his post - which is very important as we saw this month when an inflammatory post wasn’t moderated and what could have been a silly poem almost ended in physical assault at a yarn festival.
In case of Andrea’s post there was no visible reaction to those comments.
However important the subject in question: As designers, to deal with situations like these is really customer service.
And here we’ve come full circle and I have to say what I never thought I’d say: Be like Stephen - learn in your own time and put what you learned into use, kindly and clearly.
Talk soon,
Frauke xx
P.S.: I like some of Stephen’s designs and I admire him for his persona. But I’m not a fan and my friends know how I like to make fun of his super-fans (and I have a few stories about those). So that’s why I’d never thought I’d use him as an example ;-)